I may or may not have had one of my very first out of body experience today or something equivalent to it when you're a teen and completely starstrucked. Or i may just be over analyzing it which is a common a occurrence with me. But in moving forward, we must rewind back to last week Tuesday, August 21 which happened to be my first attempted in finding the The Mortal Instrument Movie Set for City of Bones and day 2 of filming. City of Bones is the first book of a 6 book series written by Cassandra Clare. I'm not gonna get too deep in explaining the book but i highly suggest everyone read the book before the movie comes out next summer! It's gonna be epic, quote me on that!

Day 2 of filming also known as Day 1 of the hunt for me was a complete and utter fail. The hunt was tracking down one of the main characters Robert Sheehan from the British TV show Misfits and Lily Collins known best known from The Blindside and Mirror Mirror. I couldn't find the location of the set and so walked around all of downtown Toronto miserable and and at the verge of tears because disappointment cuts deep, it truly does. I had high hopes in finding them that day but the weather was deceiving. Sunshine means nothing. And so i mopped around the house devastated and depressed the rest of the day and miraculously went through the rest of the work week without pulling my eyes out and draining them empty. But that week wasn't all too brutal, i kept repeating this one quote from this movie which kept me more and more optimistic.


But Day 6 of filming aka Day 2 of the hunt i struck gold. The weather had its only story to tell, it was raining hardcore the first half of the day (around noon) and yet again i happened to find my self wondering blindlessly through Toronto with no sense of direction because realistically that's exactly what occurred from 11-3:30.  But around almost 4, one single maple leaf flag lead us the way and we finally found the set. Which now leads me to the out of body experience i took part in today. Robert Sheehan and Kevin Zegers who guest appears in Gossip Girl, both signed my copy of City of Bones. Which then lead to Robert Sheehan giving me the best hug in my life and calling me love like 5 times, each better than the last . Those 5 or 6 seconds will probably last through a lifetime of bullshit with me.

Anonymous: Hi. I was wondering if you had to ask Robert for a hug or if he just have you one? Like, was it awkward? ._.

Lena: Haha it's actually kind of a long story. When we first met him, my friend was freaking out and on the verge of tears so i said "you should give her a hug cause i want to see her cry" and he was like "oh I definitely will!", but he was whisked away before he could hug anyone. When he walked by, my friend started to freak out again and he was like "come here and give me some love!" haha. He walked down the line of people and gave us all a hug (:

If you guessed that I was this friend, you guessed correct! Also, just to get this out of the way I cried when Rob turned the  corner. Not out of sadness because that beautiful creature was leaving me but because of  excitement. All in all today was pretty darn awesome and my love for Rob grew a million times more.
"Why is the echo richer than the source and time always remembered grief? People come and go and we hardly notice how they feel, what we feel. Then one day when you least expect remembrance slips like a blade into the heart: you fall down into a cold and sunken place with only your regrets for company, there gutted by sorrow and remorse and left to die"

- A Scientific Romance, by Ronald Wright

I read A Scientific Romance a few months back and there isn't a day i don't think about this quote or relate to it. The other day i was on facebook cleaning up my timeline and i came across an old conversation with an old friend. This conversation from 2009 didn't go so great, it was actually pretty hurtful looking back at it. I was so naive and clueless in seeing just how cruel and mean people can be, even your close friends. This friend legit treated me like shit, looking back now at the things she did to me and in which i allowed to happen makes me sick. Lets rewind to when i was in the 4th grade and was starting a new school where i first met this friend. Even our friendship of 5 years started terrible, for those first few months should have been a warning for me. As the new kid at school, she got some her friends and bullied me for quite some weeks. But for some reason i ignored these signs and those cruel jokes and somehow become really close friends. We spent countless hours with each just hanging out talking about what stupid little girls talk about. She lived right next door to me, you would always find us together. Our friendship definitely had its ups but there are one too many memories in which sting and stick out when she would walk all over me and i allowed it, thought it was normal. I had- have a hard time saying no to people and just accepting what they say just to avoid conflict. I'm an extremely passive person which is a great downfall for me.

There is one particular conversation we had the summer right before we started high school that i will never forget, that changed our whole friendship and essentially broke it. We were having a conversation via msn and it somehow ending up her telling me she was way too cool for me and that since we're starting high school soon we should just stop being friends. That we are from completely different worlds and see things differently. This coming from the best friend of 5 years who knew everything i allowed to share and vice versa? completely different worlds? I was beyond shocked, i actually thought it was a sick joke at one point and brushed it off but the moment i realized she was serious is when i saw the friendship crumble. Along with my feelings, i broke down and cried. But here's the funny part a few days later she apologized and informed she didn't mean any of the things she said. I told her i knew she didn't and that i didn't take it seriously but little did she know. We may have talked and all but nothing was resolved. Officially our friendship was over the moment she said she was too cool for me.

And here we are four years later, starting the end of our high school careers at different schools in different neighborhoods. We don'e see each others nor hang out. There were a few times over the course of the past  4 years in which i realized i actually missed her as a person. She was funny as hell and kind and stylish and everything you would look for a friend but fell short. Don't get me wrong, i didn't write this post to portray this friend as a bad person or even a shitty friend ok maybe a shitty friend. I wrote this post to vent out old and untold emotions. I hope she never reads this, i don't want her to know i cried when she put no effort into the friendship i treasured and adored for so long because i was naive.
It's 1:30 AM and sadly enough Ramadan has officially ended. It is now Eid-Al-Fitr. Like I say every Ramadan, it has gone by fast, in the blink of an eye. It has truly been a blessing. And so to concluded this relatively short post seeing as though its fairly late and I have a big day ahead of me tomorrow, I'd like to say 3 things in which I feel are essential in a Muslim:

1. To Seek Guidance
2. To Seek Knowledge
3. To Seek Forgiveness

Eid Mubarak brothers and sisters! Stay safe.
When you are a fan of a particular group or person you adore they're every movement and word. They add a little bit more excitement and emotion into your life. And depending on how obsessed you are, they become your life and those are the creepy ones. Ashamed to admit I have lowered myself to that standard in being a fan-girl, I apologize. I totally love The Wanted. But what I'd like to talk about is how celebrities only get money hungry throughout the duration of their short careers. Here's an example; its safe to say concert tickets are expensive and depending on who you plan to see can be a million times more expensive. And not to mention exclusive packages and VIP passes.

And so this leads me to The Wanted announcing Wanted World which, to put it in the simplest term is basically of my knowledge paying 160 for a fan club website with exclusives of the band. It is not a enough that fans have to pay +80 dollars to get good seats to their concert and follow their every move by ordering the newsletter and buying their merchandise which includes dolls of them and just spending countless hours fantasizing about them but we now have to pay for a website. Safe to assume they make a shitton of money and with this 'exclusive website' costing 160 of which none of the money goes to charity but to the greedy management and the boys. Totally disappointed in the boys. They fail to realize we're currently under a recession and not everyone of their fans work because being realistic your fans are under 18 and still in school. Money doesn't just come shooting out of our asses to give you because that's what you think loyal fans do.

Band member Nathan tweeted 'Look guys its like a t-shirt, you want it you get it. You don't want it, you don't get it haha but we hope the ones who do enjoy it'. So in translating this ridiculous tweet in the simplest term is basically Nathan saying 'guys, you rich kids can afford it come get it. The poor kids cant afford it, sorry. Rich kids for the win' And so with that I've lost a lot of respect for The Wanted even with the fact that I payed 90 bucks to see them live last night.
Boredom allows the mind to conjure up numerous ideas just to pass the time which is one of the reasons why I've started this blog. That and because a friend suggested i should make one. Don't get me wrong I've had a blog before, numerous ones in fact but they were all kiddish and pretty shitty if I'm being honest. They were all so pointless. And so with this blog I plan to write actual meaningful things which 7/10 times should make sense. I'm about to start my last year of high school next month and hope to document all things important to me to look back on.

I've not come to terms with the idea people might actually stumbled upon my blog and read some of the things I've  written, that there might be an audience, is always nerve racking, But bare with me, I write these things to vent and to capture thoughts and memories. Not for entertainment or to please others.