A new beginning
POSTED ON Tuesday 30 October 2012 AT 17:46 \\
My whole life is either one big dilemma or one big awkward situation, I have yet to figure out which of the two. Things have been shitty these last couple of months if I'm being honest. Things have been difficult but I have kept my faith strong and my head held high or relatively high. I'm not as strong as I'd like to be. Things tend to change when you observe a lifeless body for the first time in your life. You stand there at a safe distance because you think you might just become lifeless yourself while staring. You're looking at a cold, wet and white body that no longer moves or feels. It's extremely unbearable when that body happened to belong to a family member of yours. No one was prepared for such a thing, a man of 33 to die unexpectedly is heartbreaking especially if he meant so much to you, so much to them. He was crushed in a deadly car crash late one evening where he died instantly. His funeral also happened to be the first ever funeral I'd ever gone to. The atmosphere was terrible, everything was terrible and sickening and sad. The family kept crying. The night before we were all downtown at his now abandoned apartment to prepare for the next day when we all stopped just about everything and got in this really big circle. Almost 15 of us, all under 30 but older than 16 just sitting and reminiscing of recent events with the now deceased. I'm shocked no one cried during their 3-4 minute speech. I choked and slurred my words because nothing really made sense to me. It's now been two weeks and i have yet to come to terms with his death. I swear to you those entire 4 days I was at the apartment, at his apartment, I truly believed he was going to burst through the door. I was anticipating for an arrival that no longer would come, an event that would never happen. I guess you can say I'm still in a sense of shock. I don't know how to deal with death. It almost takes the life out of you thinking of them. I miss him terribly and sympathize for my family. I wish his rest in the grave be peaceful.
sweet melody
POSTED ON Sunday 7 October 2012 AT 16:43 \\
"I carry your heart with me (I carry it in my heart) I am never without it (anywhere I go you go, my dear: and whatever is done by only me is your doing my darling) I fear no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet) I want no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true) and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant and whatever a sun will always sing is you
Here is the deepest secret nobody knows (here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows higher than soul can hope or mind can hide) and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart
I carry your heart (I carry it in my heart)"
-Poem by E.E Cummings
breaking the cocoon
POSTED ON Friday 5 October 2012 AT 15:28 \\
I'm taking writer's craft this year which I'm really enjoying. Its a small class of maybe 20 kids in total, kind of reminds me of the Canadian Literature class I took last year. What's particularly really cool about that class aside from the kids is our teacher who just so happens to be a published author of two novels. He's this hispter type mad scientist looking lad with a peculiar sense of humor. I'm really digging his style and he has a way of teaching the class and getting of topic most of the time yet always having the class eating out of his hands. He has assigned us to write a short story of own of about 1200-1500 words that will be sent to publishers to see if we can get them published. Only the good ones though. I'm really excited for this but at the same time super nervous. I want to do well but have very little faith in my writing skills. I have very little faith in just about everything I do, it kills me. But what I've notice though is that with age comes confidence and I believe is totally true in my case. Grade 10 was a complete mess for me. I've grown so much form the shy awkward girl I was back then. Not to say I'm no longer awkward and shy but much less now which I'm awfully pleased about. I hate being awkward and shy but slowly I'm breaking my cocoon and becoming the sociable butterfly I picture myself to be.
A new beginning
POSTED ON Tuesday 30 October 2012 AT 17:46 \\
My whole life is either one big dilemma or one big awkward situation, I have yet to figure out which of the two. Things have been shitty these last couple of months if I'm being honest. Things have been difficult but I have kept my faith strong and my head held high or relatively high. I'm not as strong as I'd like to be. Things tend to change when you observe a lifeless body for the first time in your life. You stand there at a safe distance because you think you might just become lifeless yourself while staring. You're looking at a cold, wet and white body that no longer moves or feels. It's extremely unbearable when that body happened to belong to a family member of yours. No one was prepared for such a thing, a man of 33 to die unexpectedly is heartbreaking especially if he meant so much to you, so much to them. He was crushed in a deadly car crash late one evening where he died instantly. His funeral also happened to be the first ever funeral I'd ever gone to. The atmosphere was terrible, everything was terrible and sickening and sad. The family kept crying. The night before we were all downtown at his now abandoned apartment to prepare for the next day when we all stopped just about everything and got in this really big circle. Almost 15 of us, all under 30 but older than 16 just sitting and reminiscing of recent events with the now deceased. I'm shocked no one cried during their 3-4 minute speech. I choked and slurred my words because nothing really made sense to me. It's now been two weeks and i have yet to come to terms with his death. I swear to you those entire 4 days I was at the apartment, at his apartment, I truly believed he was going to burst through the door. I was anticipating for an arrival that no longer would come, an event that would never happen. I guess you can say I'm still in a sense of shock. I don't know how to deal with death. It almost takes the life out of you thinking of them. I miss him terribly and sympathize for my family. I wish his rest in the grave be peaceful.
sweet melody
POSTED ON Sunday 7 October 2012 AT 16:43 \\
"I carry your heart with me (I carry it in my heart) I am never without it (anywhere I go you go, my dear: and whatever is done by only me is your doing my darling) I fear no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet) I want no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true) and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant and whatever a sun will always sing is you
Here is the deepest secret nobody knows (here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows higher than soul can hope or mind can hide) and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart
I carry your heart (I carry it in my heart)"
-Poem by E.E Cummings
breaking the cocoon
POSTED ON Friday 5 October 2012 AT 15:28 \\
I'm taking writer's craft this year which I'm really enjoying. Its a small class of maybe 20 kids in total, kind of reminds me of the Canadian Literature class I took last year. What's particularly really cool about that class aside from the kids is our teacher who just so happens to be a published author of two novels. He's this hispter type mad scientist looking lad with a peculiar sense of humor. I'm really digging his style and he has a way of teaching the class and getting of topic most of the time yet always having the class eating out of his hands. He has assigned us to write a short story of own of about 1200-1500 words that will be sent to publishers to see if we can get them published. Only the good ones though. I'm really excited for this but at the same time super nervous. I want to do well but have very little faith in my writing skills. I have very little faith in just about everything I do, it kills me. But what I've notice though is that with age comes confidence and I believe is totally true in my case. Grade 10 was a complete mess for me. I've grown so much form the shy awkward girl I was back then. Not to say I'm no longer awkward and shy but much less now which I'm awfully pleased about. I hate being awkward and shy but slowly I'm breaking my cocoon and becoming the sociable butterfly I picture myself to be.
Can we have a little bit of sunshine please
A derp who likes coffee and reading